Tis the season for giving

         I was thinking about this –  it popped out at me that it’s also the season for forgiving as well. A small play on words but I think this makes my point quite readily. As Christmas is quickly approaching, I have been pondering the meaning behind all of the fuss. It’s more than malls, presents, cookies (ymmy chocolate chip cookies…), and that nasty fruit cake no one wants. (LOL) It’s about Jesus. It’s about His life, His example and His ultimate forgiveness!! This message of forgiveness is not only for each of us but just as we have been forgiven so must we forgive as well. I know that there have been people in my life who have done some pretty despicable things and to forgive is a pretty tough pill to swallow. However, how is not forgiving them helping me or even you in the long run? It’s a freeing feeling to let go because the longer we hold on to bitterness and anger the more our own hearts become hardened. No matter what, Jesus died for them too! We cannot in our own strength show forgiveness towards those who do us wrong because it goes against everything that is in us. By forgiving those that have done us wrong we show Christ’s power in us. Maybe during this season, you need to give the gift of forgiveness to someone who has done you wrong and make a choice to not let anger be your main motivator to holding on the that grudge. This is certainly not an easy task to undertake but ask Jesus to help you because He is waiting to help you!

         I recall a part in scripture, where Jesus was praying for the people who crucified and were mocking him. This should be our example: Luke 23:34: “Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.”

         There have been times in my own life that I just could not understand why- why would they do this, how could they be so thoughtless, they are only thinking about themselves, did they not think that this wouldn’t hurt me? In the midst of these types of thoughts the last thing I want to think about is forgiving them for not knowing what they do or did. I can’t even begin to imagine being nailed on a cross and praying to God to forgive the very people who put me there!!! Not to mention the same very people mocking me at the same time. This is an extraordinary picture!! As I am writing this, I understand that Jesus knows exactly what many of us go through and the difficulty we have with forgiveness because He lived it!

1 Peter 3:9: “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

Mark 11:25-26: “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Let go and let Jesus handle your forgiveness issues…. Tis the season for forgiving! Watch as He takes that bitterness away and replaces it with joy! There is no better present than that!

The Effect of Technology on Relationships

         I was reading an article from Psychology Today – on The Effect of Technology on Relationships. After taking a few psychology classes in college, I began to wonder how the manifestation of communication via text was going to play out in people’s interpersonal relationships. I went to a technical Institute where I often times was the only female in many of my engineering and technology courses. It was a strange phenomenon, in that, coming from a liberal arts school to a technical institute there are some pretty significant differences. One of which was the way the guys communicated with a female. Some but of course not all, were more apt to talk via instant messenger and as texting became more popular this was a very easy way of communicating homework assignments and just simply getting to know someone. Up until that point, I was more use to face to face contact; ultimately, I adapted to this form of communication. After all, everyone was doing it. (bad choice of words but it is the truth) I found that guys were more apt to talk to me via instant messenger as opposed to speaking with me outside the classroom. They seemed to be more open and less afraid to talk about difficult subject matters. Once they got to know me then we would hang out and talk after classes. However, admittedly it is more difficult to start off a relationship in this manner because it becomes comfortable to speak through means of a keyboard than it is face to face. It’s easier to ward off any uncomfortable subject matters. It can be easier to collect your thoughts more concisely, which is why I like to use text more than verbal. I am a much better communicator when writing as opposed to verbally expressing myself. However, I have seen the contrast when starting off relationships with someone in person with less technology involved; these relationships tend to last a whole lot longer and are a lot more meaningful. I suppose it forces you to learn how to communicate effectively with that person.

         This article by Dr. Lickerman suggests that people do, as I mentioned above, tend to avoid emotional conflict through using technology as a means for communication. It makes confrontation a whole lot easier. However, the drawback is that people do not get the opportunity to see the emotional transaction which takes place during normal face to face communication. It is a way to distance yourself from the conflict at hand rather than really dealing with it. As a byproduct, we can ultimately stunt our own personal growth by dealing with conflicts and people in this manner.

The article went on to state that we can also miss the power of laughter whereby causing a deficit in our social and emotional lives. In that, laughter can be the up lifter of our spirit when we are down in the dumps. Actually, letting out a laugh and hearing it can be beneficial to us as opposed to just using LOL. It obviously looses something in translation for sure! Imagine missing out on a time when you and your friends can’t stop laughing over something silly and just as one stops laughing the other starts back up again. This is one of those joyful moments that you can look back at and reminisce about that moment of “remember when….”.
I came across this verse and thought it was perfect to interject here: Proverbs 17:22 “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

         In addition, the article covers the dangers of a person isolating themselves from the physical world around them. They become more interested in the amount of friends they have on facebook or instagram as a means for self validation. Often times, these internet relationships can be very shallow “friendships” and simply cannot substitute for interaction in the real world. They can ultimately isolate themselves by thinking online relationships are real world relationships. Isolation in general is a real concern to psychologists who are interested in perpetuating healthy individuals and developing healthy life habits.

         I think it is pretty clear that people can get a sense of false comfort through the use of technology as a means for having relationships with people. I think it would be very interesting to see a lot more research on this particular subject matter. I know that I myself am as guilty as any in this regard - I find it so much easier to use technology but the end result doesn't always yeild the positive outcome that is hoped for. Interestingly, I never really looked at it negatively; until really giving it some careful consideration in regards to personal growth. There needs to be always be a healthy balance in life and too much of anything is never a good thing.

Being Real or Playing the Part?

         These past few weeks have been very trying. In times of great difficulty you really have the opportunity to learn a lot about yourself. More importantly than it just being about ourselves, it is the people we bring along with us in our journey. By coming along side and joining in our life struggles can our friends/companions be touched as well – only if we let them into that part of our lives. This is really the whole premise of being a Christian – living life openly, honestly and allowing others to see Jesus through and in us. However, it is detrimental if we hide in the shadows and try to do things in our own strength. We were designed to be in community and fellowship with one another.

         The longer I am a Christian, the more I realize that we as a collective cannot always “act” like we have everything all together. The truth is we are ALL undone in some manner or another. This is the one thing I hope we can strive against because the more we wear these fake masks, the more we hide the significance of what Christ has done for us and in the process He ends up losing relevance to the world around us. In our own strength, we attempt to look like we have it all together, however, our internal person is literally dying more and more everyday – in fact it is screaming – but no one knows your pains, your struggles, sorrows. Why?...because they are hidden behind a mask. There is a general fear about being honest about ourselves with one another; moreover, we think we can hide from God but this is mere deception on our own part because he sees and knows us. Think about it for example: a child molester – if this person were to open up to someone about his/ her struggles with their affinity towards children in the wrong manner, in a non-judgmental environment, how many children would ultimately be molested? The longer they keep themselves in silence and shame about their thoughts the sicker and more perverted they become. Eventually, this darkness over takes them and they act upon these horrible desires.

Isaiah 29:13-18 :13 Therefore the Lord said: “ Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, But have removed their hearts far from Me, And their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of men,14 Therefore, behold, I will again do a marvelous work. Among this people, a marvelous work and a wonder; for the wisdom of their wise men shall perish, and the understanding of their prudent men shall be hidden.” 15 Woe to those who seek deep to hide their counsel far from the LORD, and their works are in the dark; They say, “Who sees us?” and, “Who knows us?” 16 Surely you have things turned around! Shall the potter be esteemed as the clay; for shall the thing made say of him who made it, “He did not make me”? Or shall the thing formed say of him who formed it, “He has no understanding”?

         As a whole, I often wonder who or what we are really trying to please? How is masquerading around or hiding who you really are helping to solve the real issue of not always having our act together when God already knows the truth? As I made the statement earlier – we are all undone. In fact, I wonder how many people would be found as hypocrites if we could look into their inner most self to see if who they really are matches up to whom they are portraying on the outside. (this goes for all circles of people – not just Christians) I have known some people in the past who thought they had everyone fooled. They portrayed themselves to be the ideal person – good, wholesome, moral, honest, hard working, willing to give their all, but were really using this image to suit their own purpose to be well liked and to ultimately get what they want. The truth was revealed and what was left behind was the realization that this person was truly empty on the inside. Actually, I take that back – they were full of themselves. Not many people realize that it’s very difficult to make yourself happy for a prolonged period. One can always do things that make them happy for a season but soon they find themselves unhappy with what they have and now it’s on to bigger and better things. This lesson is evident with some of the wealthiest people in the world. They aren’t happy with what they have there is always more to be obtained. It’s a foolish waste of life to be pursuing the proverbial dangling carrot. Many forms of media tell us that we should have more, do more, be more… more, more, more…..etc. It’s the ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, message. When do we look outside ourselves and help others?

Deuteronomy 24:19

"When you are harvesting in your field and you overlook a sheaf, do not go back to get it. Leave it for the foreigners, orphans and the widow, so that the Lord your God may bless you in all the work of your hands."

         It has been an interesting year for me, with this topic. I know that I myself have struggled with portraying the right image. I always have a heart to do the right thing and I want to look like I have it all together. The more I struggle to achieve this balance the crazier things seem to get and the further out of left field they come. This has been God trying to get me to understand that it’s not in my own strength that I can be good or that I even have any control over my circumstances at times. None of us can control when a loved one will pass, or decisions family members make, when a natural disaster will occur, when the financial economy will bounce back (if ever) – whether we like it or not there are things that are way beyond our own control! Yet, we still toil to control. The curious thing for me is why did it take me so long to figure this out? Haha Sometimes I can be what I refer to as an “educated idiot”. It’s really simple common sense. To think that we can control these things or know when something will occur is ludicrous. So it was this reality that appearances needed to be thrown out the window! There is a whole lot of vanity and fakeness that comes with keeping up these appearances. It keeps us a slave and in bondage to this image and exactly where the enemy wants us. I know because I have lived it – I have seen recently, it has not only stunted my own personal growth as an individual but my relationship with God. I had blinders over my eye so that I could not see how not opening up to people was in fact truly hurting me. I was not allowing myself to share my burdens and in this sense I was in bondage. I was afraid how people might judge me, or they wouldn’t understand or it would allow them to hurt me more (yes that has happened) but it’s the whole healing process. I realized that God has given me an incredible life story but I was so entangled by the complexity of my situation. I was not free to help other people and share the power of Christ in my own life because I had not transcended my own bondage. Jesus is the only one who can heal and make a person whole – it is by total surrender to Him that I am finding true healing. This pursuit is because of the desire to discover what God has intended for me, His plans and purpose for my life. He can do the same for you! He can take a “hot mess” and make it into a masterpiece. I don’t know of anything else in this world who can do that! :)

There is a song that I absolutely love by Matthew West called: The Motions: (here are a few of the lyrics)

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life…..

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking
"What if I had given everything
instead of going through the motions?"


         My final point in this post: It’s impossible to live a whole, holistic life when you are playing a part, wearing a mask and trying to be someone you are not to merely just fit in. God did not intend for you to be someone else – he designed you for a specific purpose with specific talents. He did not create you to become a slave to society and appearances and to live for yourself. Don’t be deceived into thinking you aren’t important or don’t matter or that stuff defines you – you are worth so much to Jesus. Don’t just go through the nothingness of life without Him because he is the definition and the meaning; otherwise, you’re just going through the motions. Trust me, this is something I know about first hand and am still in the process of learning.

Titus 3:3-8: 3 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. 8 This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.

People and their driving behaviors

        It is interesting to observe people and their driving behaviors and habits! On the way to work this morning I was cut off twice and then I was blocked from getting into the far right lane when I had an upcoming turn. Do they not know how to use a blinker?!? Or how about my favorite: the person sees you but chooses to ignore your existence! (I know everyone has experienced this one!!) In addition to seeing you, they not only ignore you but they slow down! Or how about those that pull out right in front of you and almost come to a complete stop! Oh that really, as I heard someone say the other day, “really cooks my goose”!! LOL This is of course common place in places like Boston, NYC or even Jersey (where I am originally from) – but Florida? HAHA Well, we have a lot of snow birds in town this time of year! However, the Floridians cannot handle northern drivers!! I find it quite amusing to watch as a Mass plate whizzes by weaving in and out of traffic, as if it were effortless, and the people around reacting in shock. Interestingly, we gain impressions about the people around us – you can tell who the self centered people are, who the passive ones are, those that are ignorant, distracted, well mannered, easily angered, those who are impatient and I am sure if I sat here long enough I can think of a lot more. Every time we get behind the wheel we are leaving around impressions of ourselves. I honestly never thought of it this way until I was put out this morning by the rudeness of these people. (add rudeness to that list! LOL) Something to ponder: is how we drive a good reflection of who we really are? (I know honestly for me, I have a lot of room for improvement in regards to this question!!)  :)

A little story to go along with the topic:

        I loved watching people drive when I lived in Boston. I remember while I was still in college I had a class that required quite a bit of walking to get to. The school was located on a busy street and honestly every street in Boston has a lot of traffic and around 5 O’clock the whole place can be in dead lock without a whole lot of movement. This particular day, I was watching as the lights were changing from green to yellow to red --- each time there was no movement the people in the cars became increasingly frustrated. This was very funny to watch because before you know it the people in the cars start blowing their horns and throwing their hands in the air and you can tell they are yelling explicatives. From the outside you only see a mad person, flailing hands and lips flapping without sound. As I was walking by, I began to laugh (not overly visible or exagerated - just a little chuckle with a smile) because this was the first time I had ever experienced something like this before. I looked down the street and there was nowhere to go and no movement. So all of that production in response to something they effectually cannot change was in fact amusing!!! There was one guy who rolled down his window and yelled at me (beep beep beep) while giving me the finger – I simply said - have a great day sir – and continued walking to class. Imagine the impression I was left with about that guy!!! Uhh yeah!

So why get all worked up about the things we cannot change? How about instead focusing on the things we can?

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”
Charles R. Swindoll

Historically, were religious leaders right in their attempt to regulate science?

         After having lived in a very liberal place, I watched as people so easily adopt some of these universal truths – such as post modernism, as I have been discussing in depth in another post. There are a lot of very advanced logical thinkers who consider themselves scientists which condemn the idea of belief system / absolute truth/ or the case for a one true God. I have wondered what the root cause for this disconnect was….

         If you think about it back in the Middle Ages when science seemed to be going against the theological doctrines, scientists were excommunicated from the church. Some of them were punished by the pope with severe indictments. People were burned alive by religious followers and as a result science retaliated and disconnected its self from the church. It is a curious thing to ponder, if this potentially could be the reason that there is such a large disconnect between God, creation, science and people believing in a God who created even you and I. Could this be the reason people are far more accepting of a few particles supposedly forming this world rather than a creator? It takes God right out of the equation because scientists did not want to be hindered in their own pursuit of understanding the world around them. In the name of man wanting to protect their “religion”, they pushed science right out the door; therefore, God was no longer considered as part of the equation but rather a separate entity outside the realm of science. In this case, man was wrong not God. The consequences of man holding back science really showed their own lack of faith in God! Ultimately, science does not refute there is a God it simply points you to Him!!! It is an interesting thing if you think about it - when someone doesn’t understand something about a particular thing they will try to ignore it or control it rather than understand it. The progression of science is/was revolutionary which in the religious leaders eyes was a threat predominantly out of fear or rather more appropriately fear of change. We work out of a closed system. In the same way, men have tried to control science - is it possible that men are trying to do the same thing to God, in a reverse fashion?? In essence, they really don’t seem to understand God because they haven’t really sought to gain that understanding. The question is: are we trying to control or ignore God rather than understand Him?

"Therefore, it is we who are responsible for much of the evil in the world; and we are each morally required to accept rather than project that ponderous responsibility-lest we prefer instead to wallow in a perennial state of powerless, frustrated, furious, victimhood. For what one possesses the power to bring about, one has also the power to limit, mitigate, counteract, or transmute."
Stephen A. Diamond, 1996, Anger, Madness, and the Daimonic, p. 85

The Tornadoes of Life

         A few days ago, I had a dream about a huge, big, black tornado coming towards where I was standing. I remember beginning to panic and I started to run with all of my might. I was looking all around me for a safe place to get away from all of the flying debris. But there was no shelter insight. So I just kept running like Forrest Gump…I somehow managed to find my car and attempted to get under it when I looked up to the right and there was a huge barn. The tornado was approaching seemingly faster than I would be able to get into the shelter. I decided to make a run for it, it was now or never. I struggled against the wind I was grabbing on to all that I could so that I would not be overcome and sucked into this swirl of destruction. Just when I made it inside to safety to watch the tornado pass by my alarm went off. I awoke in a cold sweat and then the relief quickly set in because I realized that it was just a dream. However, this dream has been bothering me ever since. Its vividness was quite extraordinary. I am not one that typically can remember my dreams I think I can recall less than both hands combined for the entirety of my life.

         As a couple of days have passed since having this dream, I have realized it was almost prophetic in nature. In that, I had no idea that there was impending darkness lurking around the corner ready to jump out at the right moment. Well, it did and now I am finding myself trying not to get sucked in by the sheer force of the conflict. Just like that tornado in my dream this seemed to pop out of nowhere but the magnitude of its destruction will not be known until the “dust” settles. I am sure there are others like myself who find themselves in the midst of their own tornado – it threatens to take everything out of you, you have to struggle against everything just to get through the day, it leaves you feeling beaten up and weary. Sometimes a severe trial like this can, if you allow it, make you stronger. It reveals your own inability to solve a larger than life problem and it forces you to go to the One who can help – Jesus! In this case, running to Jesus would be like me running to that barn in my dream – I felt warm, safe, and secure - I was able to watch as the danger pass right by me.

Isaiah 41:13 – “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says, Do not fear; I will help you.”

Ephesians 6:10-11: “Finally be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes."