Archive: To doubt or not to doubt : That is the question

         Have you ever wondered why one day we are happy and the next day we can feel something completely different?  As I was on my way to work this morning, I was listening to a podcast from Pastor Bob Coy Form Calvary Chapel Ft. Lauderdale his message was about Jesus and how he tries to communicate with his people and that sometimes we are so consumed by looking for an answer to a question we often times fail to see the obvious. This was the case for me this morning – I was thinking about my teaching application and my own thoughts of doubt that crept in. Was I really prepared to teach kids? Would I be a good teacher? As these thoughts passed through my mind I could feel my pulse start to rise and a lump form in my throat – what if this is just too big for me to handle? Then my mind wandered back to my recent trip to south Florida –I prayed during this trip that God would open the right doors so that I would know which way I was to go. He put old friends in my path that I haven’t seen in years from First Baptist - both my middle and high school youth pastors, friends from Highlands Christian Academy where I attended high school and old friends form Calvary Chapel. All of them wanted me to come back to South Florida; as there were a ton of things that they could really use my help with. In addition, I was granted the most fortunate opportunity to meet with a representative from the Broward County School Board – at which time I learned there was a great need for high school science teachers in south Florida. God reminded me that it was not just coincidence; before I even stepped foot on Florida soil the idea for me to teach high school was already becoming a burden on my heart.

I left Florida and came back to Boston to settle back into the mundane grit that has become my life. I started to wonder if what I experienced in south Florida was merely what I wanted to hear or was God truly intervening. It is dangerous ground when we question God - I realized as I was listening to Pastor Bob he was telling a personal story about how God had used various people and circumstances to grab his attention to the very thing he was asking God to reveal – at this moment I realized I too was doing the same thing. It’s like the answer is right in front of you but yet you can’t seem to see it. In my heart, this still small voice said to me – trust in me. In my heart, I said but God what about all of the things stacked up against me? Like location and timing was going to be really off and what about finances????? I prayed and God reminded me of this verse:

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”